dunno why im so upset about her keeping the baby. guess i have a lot of unresolved issues with that year of my life. to date though i’ve accepted my mother, started paying off my debts, dedicated months of my life to school, written short stories again, and made myself happy by kicking ass by writing essays like a motherfucker. totally pissed that i have to take math still. totally stoked that for the next two years i can dedicate my time to reading and writing. english was the only subject next to history and science that i can get easy A’s in without even trying. I guess taking other subjects pissed me off when i realized im not brilliant at everything ever. but fuuuuuuck. why can’t i be completely indifferent about her having a kid? about her choosing a fucking loser to have the kid. i mean, i hate kids. i don’t want kids. but i think i take it personally that i wasn’t chosen to father a child. kinda want to knock someone up just out of spite. anywho im gonna go email my aunt and see if i cant go work in asia this summer. i love the fact that i can still pretty do anything i want and go where ever i want when i want. be in vegas after christmas, mexico this summer, and europe next. and all for pretty much nothing. fuck her and her baby. im gonna go travel the world and write shitty short stories about it that will never be read. and all while wearing argyle sweaters. peace.
